I am by the stove cutting warm loaves of dark bread.
My mother is at the window, sewing new and vintage fabric pieces together.
I listen to the hum of the machine, thread lacing down, through, up, through, listening to her.
“Now you try. Just slowly. Take your time and really focus.”
Her crown of white hovers over a little one’s shoulder.
“Like this, Gram?”
I turn to see a little girl’s furrowed brow lit by the machine’s glowing light.
They are stitching up blankets for the PCU at the local hospital. The needle stitches crisp new cottons to a backing of reclaimed, familiar flannels.
Hope’s eyes are fixed on that quarter inch seam allowance, the curving arcs of the material.
“Yes, that’s it, Hope. Now if you’ll stop a moment…”
The machine drones to a halt. Butter melts into the steaming warm slices. I ladle garden vegetable soup into a circle of waiting bowls.
“If you’ll look closely, do you see how it puckers here, when you push the material through?” Mama leans in.
“Don’t rush, or push the fabric along. If you push the material through, you’ll end up with wrinkled, disappointing handiwork. You just guide…”
“Gently?” Hope offers.
“Yes!” Mama lights. “That’s it precisely: no pushing…or you’ll wrinkle everything. Just guide gently.”
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My ladle hangs midair.
Empty bowl waits in one hand.
I might have ears to hear.
Sunlight streams in. The needle again begins to purr. I close my eyes, breathe deeply, and finger write those words on my mind:
“Just guide gently.”
Push and it will all pucker.
How many perfectly good days have I wrinkled because I pushed, arms heavy with an agenda?
How many happy faces have I wrinkled into distress with pushing words: “Hurry up!”
I don’t even want to consider how many bare, beating hearts I have crinkled and crumpled with my pushing for more. Pushed and puckered.
I come to, fill the waiting soup bowl, and whisper it again, etching it deeper, “just guide gently.”
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The Spirit nudges: “This is what I meant the other morning. You underlined it, remember?”
I find black ink marking the words:
“Therefore, although in Christ, I could be bold and order you to do what you ought to do, yet I appeal to you on the basis of love.”
– Philemon 1:8-9
I could be bold and order you.
Push, push, push.
Yet I appeal to you on the basis of love.
Just gently guiding. Gently serving. Gently leading by caring, encouraging, edifying.
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Wasn’t it Mama who also pulled me up on her lap as a four-year-old and told me the fable of the sun and the wind, arguing over which of the two was the stronger? I can still feel her leaning close:
“The Wind began to blow cold blasts, but the man only drew his cloak tighter about him to keep out the cold. Then the Sun took his turn, and under the sun’s rays, the man then threw the coat off!”
She turned me to look me in the eye: “Remember that, girl of mine: gentleness can do what force always fails to do.”
I could be bold and order you…yet I appeal to you on the basis of love.
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To release a child to be all that he or she was meant to be requires the sun, requires guiding gently with loving words of encouragement. Recent research confirms:
A study of twenty-two grade eight students found that those who were lit with positive feelings generated significant more creative and problem-solving ability than the group of students in which “a neutral mood was induced.”
Appeal on the basis of love, with a light touch of guidance and the warm igniting of encouragement, and watch hearts and minds creatively, joyously thrive. Gentle guiding reaps far more than pushing.
——————————–
Bowls served and dinner bell waiting to be rung, I survey the trail of rainy day pursuits: strewn legos, a blizzard of paper snippets, scraps of material flung about for good measure.
Take a deep breath, O Heart. Push and the day—no, more than the day— delicate hearts, will pucker.
What if I were to just guide gently?
“What a day we’ve had, best beloveds!” Books are set aside, scissors left, and masterpieces presented.
“Such color! What a design! You made that by yourself?” Hearts embroidered with edifying words.
“Let’s clean this all up together?” A love appeal.
My hands, their hands, we sort, organize, gather. I run my hand across the clean counter.
My mother smiles, her showing me how to just guide gently — this pucker-free pattern for hearts.
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About Ann Voskamp
I just started following blogs – a little behind, I know. Honestly, I can appreciate some bloggers, but hadn’t found any who inspire me. Thank you for writing your God-breathed words on the internet for me to read. I’m married to a very cool musician, live in a very old house in a quite small town with 3 very small children (well maybe not as small as they once were but the youngest is just out of diapers). We are just emerging from the baby abyss our family has been sucked into these past 7 years and I can use some inspiration for the next season of life. Thank you for inspiring me.
Whew. Perfect word for me today! Thank you.
" Pushed and puckered….just gently guide… gentleness can do what force always fails to do…to appeal on the baisi of love.” oh I have been at this mothering a long time…I am still learning this…because I had to relearn how God loves me…He is not a bully…He doesn’t harshly demand…He stands at the door and knocks…He waits with Arms of Love. He is patient, kind…doesn’t seek its own way…not easily angered(1corth 13)…this is how He loves…this is how I am learning to have pucker-free pattern for hearts.
As always…your wisdom…how you bless, may your day be blessed with Grace today.
What an encouragement I need this week. I’m so impatient. I push. I forget all about gentleness until it’s too late. But it’s a new morning, thank you God. I’ll try again today. Thanks for sharing, Ann.
Wonderful- So True and so convicting. Love the verse I don;t remember reading that before. Thanks again for your encouragement.
Ah yes – to lead our young like our gentle Shepherd leads us. Thank you for this Ann.
Wow. Speechless. Sometimes it’s hard to believe that you can just open up your email and there can really be a word from the Lord for you, but sometimes, that’s how he does things. I have "adopted" a 30 year old prodigal (among the other 4 I already have 14, 11, 8, and 4) who hasn’t yet "returned" completely. A lot of days I find myself frustrated but I seem to have a lot more grace. Yesterday, not so much… I just got so mad I wouldn’t speak to her (for a repeated offense). I just decided punishment would be easier than grace… at least for me. Still having a hard time today, but this was just what I needed to "hear". "I cold be bold and order you – which is what I want to do!!! – but I appeal to you on the basis of love". ouch.. still hard to swallow, but necessary. sigh
I was guided gently so many times in my young life and now I desire to guide gently. Too many days I rush and snap and force and pucker. This was needed encouragement in my mothering today. Thank you, Ann for illustrating Philemon 1:8-9 for us.
Oh, this is beautiful. Lovely. Made my eyes sting with tears. Too often I have pushed the ones I love. Lord Jesus, help me to guide gently. With Your love, by Your Spirit.
Simply beautiful, Ann. Thank you.
BEAUTIFUL, ANN. Thank you for this gift.
This is a beautiful reminder, Ann. Thank you.
Gentle thanks. I am gently encouraged and inspired by how tender this "teaching" is. And I love the scripture, want it posted on my everything in my world today. Ann, heartfelt gratitude. And the timing, well the timing was a bullseye.
Ann, as always, your way with words and way with God is glorious. I shared this on my own blog. Thank you!
One of my favorite verses:
Psalm 18:35
"Thy gentleness hath made me great."
Kitty
This was something I really needed to read today. I’ve felt myself struggling lately with little patience and lots of annoyance over minor things. Thank you for reminding me of the gentleness that is necessary.
your writing moves me to tears! thank you for sharing your lessons with us because my mama heart needed this reminder. both reminding me of my mother (who cooks) and my grandmother (who sewed) – i so want to pour gentleness over my children and God knows I need work…
Thank you, Ann. That was simply beautiful. I am so moved. I so needed to read that today.
Every time I read something of yours, Ann, I always find several quotes that would make such good word signs! "Just Guide Gently". "Hearts embroidered with edifying words". "Push, push, push – and delicate hearts will pucker". And the Scripture from Philemon ‘stitching’ it all together…
Thank you for leading us here from your blog today!
Oh, friend. Such wise words. It never ceases to amaze me how you are always open to what God is saying through the now. This is so lovely, Ann. I will guide gently for today. And God wiling, tomorrow too.
Your words are so beautifully put! I desperately needed to hear them today! Your posts are always such an amazing blessing! Thank you and God bless you!
Ann–I’m struck by how hard this gentleness is hard to behold. Why? Because it takes a constant dying to myself & embracing the hard work. Barking orders is so much easier in the short run isn’t it. Life is a marathon though–this life with my littles is a marathon of gentleness where this mama is being gently led by a gracious & tender Father. I often forget that, but know he wants me to love like him to these beloveds.
Ann,
I have never been gentle in personality or will. I know that this was something I was supposed to see today. I know that this blog entry will remain on my desktop so I can revisit it often. Thank you!
I stumbled upon your blog and am so glad I did. What beauty. At first I hesitate in leaving a comment. You already have tons telling you how radiant your writing is. But I thought I’d add what a beautiful Mama’s heart you have. How you’ve shown your Mama, tendering teaching your dtr, gently guiding. I love that saying. It’s going up on my kitchen wall
Thank you for a peek into such a precious moment.
~Cinnamon
~~~ Thank you.~~~
I have a way of puckering things. Thank you for this reminder of gentleness and true love. My mom used to always tell me and my sisters a good old proverb "a soft answer turns away wrath, but grievious words stir up anger".