In my home, we are in a season of weddings beginning with my son’s, and just
this weekend attending the wedding of of his college roommate.
I had to smile as my husband and I chatted with the groom at the
reception. He told us he didn’t see his relationship with his new wife
being all that different after marriage, the only change will be they are now
living together instead of going to separate homes each evening.
Oh, my… little does he know. Even my own newlyweds (now married for
one month) could tell them different. But we won’t at the reception, let
him walk in denial at least through the bliss of the honeymoon. 
We live in a fallen, imperfect world and there is a reason the marriage vows
contain “for better or worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in
health”. Life comes with challenges we didn’t expect when we said
“I do”.
There was a time I lived life in such a way that I could see my own
hurts and difficulties but it seemed people around me had it all
together. I later realized it was because I wasn’t looking at
others with my heart as much as with my desire to be admired by those around
me.
I felt I as imperfect while the other mothers always looked all together,
their children never wore clothes with stains, they always had a meal on the
table at the same time each night, for which their children kissed them and
thanked them for the highly nutritious food and beautiful presentation… and
their husband never complained about dinner being served at the same time Chicago
Tribune Sports was showing on TV.
It wasn’t that I didn’t have real problems, my family has suffered through
such severe trials over the years that I had to remind myself to breath…
literally.
We live with the results of my husband’s bipolar illness, my own chronic illness
developed in my 40s, a severely ADHD child, two complete financial reversals,
difficult pregnancies, the death of a preemie, teenage drivers, FAFSA forms for
college, high maintenance cats, and property which the nearby forest is
constantly trying to take back.
Life is far from perfect. Some of my circumstances did not improve. But
what happened is… I changed.
I came to the realization that God has taken every hurt in my life… every
unanswered prayer… every confusing event… every sleepless night… every
unkind remark from those who wrongly judged… and He allowed my heart to be
bruised to the point I learned to see the hurt in others, too. Then He
loved away the bruises.
It was there all along, it is still there… they are still there. Behind
every smile of someone who says they are “fine” is a hurt that
doesn’t show. There are no perfect women who have it all together and no
perfect families.
It wasn’t until I stopped comparing myself to other women that I could be
the person God wanted me to be. I could not be the ears they needed
to talk to, the hands that reached out with a meal in the time of crisis, the
feet to walk beside them in their pain, or even have the words to bring them
peace in the storm… if I thought others led perfect lives and I didn’t.
I have to admit I don’t handle adversity perfectly. There are times I
still stomp my feet and cry and pout and have a childish fit before Him… all
within my mind so no one sees… but He does.
He lets me get it all out and then sends me to Scripture and wraps me in His
love. Then He sends other women my way… those who are ready to admit
their hurts and imperfections… and I can pour a cup of tea and listen and
share my own journey… and how Peace is a Person.
About Brenda Nuland