A picture of some of our gang this weekend in California, preparing for the conference and showing off our girlfriend heart rings!

Whenever women gather together, talk is abundant. At conference time, it’s always such a joy to sit together around a table with tea and coffee, exchanging stories and catching up. I love to hear tales of my friends children’s latest escapades, the new group another has started in her home, the answers to prayer someone else is experiencing. Friendship multiplies our joys and divides our grief, and you don’t have to look much further than a room full of ladies to see evidence of that!

While there are always fun stories to be shared, eventually, if we’re being honest, talk comes around to more difficult areas being faced.  Someone’s father has just been diagnosed with cancer. A child is wayward. Financial difficulties loom. We have so many high hopes for all of life, don’t we? And yet more often than we like to admit, it just does not seem to measure up to our hopes; it is stressful and disappointing. When a person lives for a long time in difficult circumstances, anger can begin to overwhelm their personality.

Everyone wishes life were simple; that we could be happy all the time; that difficult things never happened. And yet, that’s not the case. I think it is so important to know that all of us experience anger and a sense of injustice at times, and that those times roll around much more often than we’d like to admit. Sometimes, we want to say, “I have been good and tried hard to please you, Lord– and this is what I get?!” We think that choosing right behavior should lead to a certain result.

Anger, I believe, quite often comes from disappointed expectations. We expected life or a person to behave in one way and it surprises us by behaving in just the opposite way from what we wanted it to or hoped that it would. The resulting anger can then lead to depression and despair. There are many things in this fallen world that can oppress our spirits and tempt us to give up, because the end results of our efforts are not as we would hope or expect.

So what is the key to not becoming an old grump with a permanently furrowed brow?

I think a large part of the answer comes in laying down our expectations.

When we have long lists of what we expect from those around us, we are setting ourselves up for disappointment and broken relationships. This is true whether we’re talking about our husbands, our friends, our churches, our children, or even ourselves! If you think back to the last time you had a conflict with someone, you’ll probably discover that the root of it was an expectation of some sort—that they would act a certain way, perform a particular task, or provide for a need you had. It’s much the same with frustration at yourself—it is a result of expecting more than you’re able to give.

If we’re going to love well, we need to stop placing the burden of expectation on ourselves and those around us. We must ask the Lord to help us remember that life is difficult, people are imperfect, and He understands and will help us deal with both! In a broken world, bad things occur as a matter of course. If we accept the fact that while we live on this earth we will face the tribulation Jesus promised (!!) us, perhaps we can walk through our days leaning on Him and taking each moment as it comes; with an open hand ready to both give and receive, trusting in our Father to help us because He holds every day in His hands. We aren’t guaranteed health–even if we eat only the best foods and avoid sugar forever and never eat a cupcake again. We aren’t guaranteed to have plenty of money–even if we tithe and budget with the envelope system and pay every bill on time. We aren’t guaranteed a bevy of wonderful friends–even if we open our homes and smile at everyone and bake cookies (whoops, I forgot we were supposed to be avoiding sugar!!!)

Holding onto all of life with an open hand, ready both to give up things we want to hold on to *and* receive whatever God allows in our lives is really the only way to love the people around us well.

Is there someone you need to release from an expectation today? Resentment against things the Lord has allowed in your life? Maybe even something you need to forgive yourself for, because you’ve not met expectations you had for yourself?

Take a moment today to open your hands, friend.

When my first child was placed in my arms, it was a euphoric moment. His tiny nose, those teensy hands, the perfect toes put me over the moon. I’d been a nanny and preschool teacher before he was born, read every book in the bookstore, and prayed for a family for so many years, I didn’t think I could possibly be any more prepared. Nursing came easily, my husband was a diapering ninja, and the baby looked darling in his little coming-home outfit.

Which is why I was completely unprepared for the moment when we buckled the carseat in, ready for our trip home, and suddenly anticipation turned into panic as I thought, “Oh my; are they seriously letting us take him home? Don’t they know we have NO IDEA what we’re doing?”

By the time the birth day arrives, most of us mamas are thrilled to finally have a baby in our arms; to count tiny fingers and toes—not to mention the glee at the sight of our very own toes, hallelujah!–and at the same time terrified as that tiny bundle’s weight exponentially grows over the coming days, months and years. There was nothing I wanted more as a young mom than for someone to tell me that I would make it, that I wasn’t making fatal mistakes at every turn, and that I could trust myself as I made decisions for my family.

Gathering every book on parenting to be found within 50 miles was what I did, instead. Thankfully, when the “expert” opinions clashed (don’t you hate it when that happens?) the Lord did gracefully point out some truths to me, the primary one being that since He was a Father, I could learn the most about parenting from paying attention to the way He treated His children. That’s how it came to be that my babies spent most of their days on my lap or being carried around. After all …

He will tend his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms; he will carry them in his bosom …” Isaiah 41:11.

What a beautiful picture! The God of the universe, so gentle and loving. That was a picture I could emulate.

When the nights were long and the zillionth feeding in five hours had me searching for a diaper with bleary eyes, my heart was comforted by the rest of the verse; the part we all need to hear over and over and over …

… and (he will) gently lead those that are with young” Isaiah 41:11b.

That’s us! Hurrah!

Desperate is the book I would have loved to have in hand twenty years ago.

In the very first chapter, we’re getting a glimpse into the reality of a new mama, overwhelmed, and another mama who can look back and say, “Come on! This is hard, but you can do it! Don’t quit!”

I’m so grateful for this book; it truly is a treasure trove of reassurance, guidance and truth for new moms and older moms alike. SarahMae’s heart-honest questions and Sally’s Biblical, grace-filled answers make me feel as if I’m listening in on a real conversation … and indeed, we all are! This is the book I’ll be wrapping for baby showers, referring confused moms to, and picking up again and again myself when I need a dose of grace in the difficult days of mothering.

The truth is, He is the perfect example of what we all want to be … the perfect Parent. And while we will never attain that level of perfection (drat!) we can ask for His strength and grace as we follow His lead throughout our days with the precious children He’s given us. He shows us how to be moms; He carries us and tends us and meets our needs. And when we are weary, He will gently lead us. That’s something to rejoice in!

Click here to read Sally’s thoughts on ideals and what happens when they bump into reality, today at I Take Joy!

Today is the day! The Mom Heart and The Better Mom’s Desperate Book Club begins here at Mom Heart and on our Facebook Page . We’re heading over to Sarah Mae’s blog to hear more of her thoughts on Chapter One. Don’t have your copy in hand yet? You can buy one here and then join us on Facebook as we share insights from what we read together.

For those of you reading this in your email or RSS feed, click over to the site to see this beautiful video from Sarah Mae:

So, what is one area that leaves you feeling like you just can’t get out of bed and be a mom today?

What would be a practical help to you as you cope with this in your motherhood journey?

What are you hoping to gain from reading Desperate?

I have always grown up with a strong sense of place. I have very vivid memories of my childhood home, and the places around my childhood home. I remember things such as the small creek in my backyard where my brother and I used to play, the neighborhood “block” and what that looked like, and also the people that lived there. I also remember the places I used to visit in and around my neighborhood where I grew up, like certain grocery stores and shops we frequented.

All of these memories contributed in me a strong sense of place. It also placed a high value on what “place” means to me.

“Place” to me is….where you want to come back to. Where you feel safe to be yourself. A place to come for refreshment, and for love. Memories. Smells. Familiarity.

Now what is funny about all this is that I am about to be moving for the fifth time since I got married 14 years ago. I did not expect to live away from family and from the place that I grew up with so many memories. How can moving this many times create a strong sense of place for my family? This was a question I struggled with many times over the years. Granted, many of the moves we have made have been local and so, we have not had to change too much about our “place.”  I have learned a little through not-so- ideal circumstances about how to give my children a sense of place that will stay with them their entire lives. [Read more...]