I have always grown up with a strong sense of place. I have very vivid memories of my childhood home, and the places around my childhood home. I remember things such as the small creek in my backyard where my brother and I used to play, the neighborhood “block” and what that looked like, and also the people that lived there. I also remember the places I used to visit in and around my neighborhood where I grew up, like certain grocery stores and shops we frequented.
All of these memories contributed in me a strong sense of place. It also placed a high value on what “place” means to me.
“Place” to me is….where you want to come back to. Where you feel safe to be yourself. A place to come for refreshment, and for love. Memories. Smells. Familiarity.
Now what is funny about all this is that I am about to be moving for the fifth time since I got married 14 years ago. I did not expect to live away from family and from the place that I grew up with so many memories. How can moving this many times create a strong sense of place for my family? This was a question I struggled with many times over the years. Granted, many of the moves we have made have been local and so, we have not had to change too much about our “place.” I have learned a little through not-so- ideal circumstances about how to give my children a sense of place that will stay with them their entire lives.
Here are some of the things I have learned on my own:
1. Create a home. Make your home a sanctuary for your family! Make it a place where memories are made. It doesn’t matter where you are or where you live or what your house is like. It doesn’t matter how long you are going to stay there. Ever heard the phrase: “Bloom where you are planted”? Make wherever you are the place your children want to come back to, wherever they are. Of course this isn’t just about lighting candles and serving good food! (Although those are helpful!) It is the atmosphere in the home. If you don’t know how to create a home, then ask the Lord how. Ask Him to show you ways to create a home in the place you live and how to make it a sanctuary. He will show you personally and lovingly what you need to do in your own personal situation.
2. Which brings me to this point: Make your home be a place where your children can be who they really are. Accept them unconditionally. Emphasize character, not conformity. And pursue them with love and gentleness. Your home is more than just a place. It is a relationship. Let them be free to be who they really are, messiness (in their hearts, as well as their rooms!) and all…
3. Reach out. Be the inviter. Invite their friends to your home. Then love on their friends with the love of Jesus, whether they are saved or unsaved. Your home will be the home where memories are made and where everyone wants to be.
Knowing that our children’s sense of place begins first and foremost in their hearts will not let us lose sight of the real goal in our families: having loving relationships with each other. We will not always be perfect in this, but should always be aiming for their hearts. For that is truly the real “sense of place” they can take with them forever.
About Andrea Birch
Amen. Fond memories of Mamaw and Papaw’s house, Granny and Grandpa’s house, Aunt Bess and Uncle Al’s house as a child make me want my home to be the place that my daughter and niece and their future families will long to be. We too have moved a lot…seven times in twenty years! Hopefully that has not altered their sense of place and God will continue to help me make our home, wherever it is, a sanctuary.
Andrea, this is beautiful and made me miss my childhood “place.” Thanks for the reminder that we are creating the “place” our children will remember.
Amen. I can’t say that I had all that growing up, but that is a different story. But I do try and observe these things with my children, though they are grown up, I accept their friends and their weird habits and such the best that I can. I pray for them every night in hopes that they will remember their childhood fondly.
Dear Andrea – This is so precious and true! I did not have this growing up and have worked so hard to make our home a place where our family can flourish.
Your words ring true and I know the Lord will honor your hearts desires for your new home. Excited for you all!
Blessings from Texas -
GREAT post and reminder that WE have so much influence of creating that warm, safe & memorable place for our kids. Thanks so much for the vivid kick in the pants I needed today to do better at this.
Blessings,
The How to Guru
Beautiful post!
We moved a lot when our kids were growing up and I know how difficult it can be to provide that sense of “Place”. You’ve written about it beautifully, lots of great ideas.
We are indeed kindred spirits–I have been telling all of my mommy friends this year–every child needs a place to belong. Great post.
so true, Sally! Not only in a physical place, but in their hearts they need to feel they belong!
I think I have to work on this more. My 4 year old never wants to go home when we are out. It makes me question why that is? Does she not enjoy our home and space?
Christina, I wouldn’t worry about that! I think if you genuinely seek the Lord on this and intentionally create that space for your children then you leave it in His hands.
My dad was in the Navy and we moved all over during my growing up. I never had a sense of space. Or of home, really. But I never had a mom who created one so intentionally. Your kids are so blessed to have you, Andrea!
Thank you! This is exactly what I am teething to do with my family. I never had a sense of place or what I call roots, growing up. I went to more than 20 different schools growing up and have moved more than 15 times since being married. So it has been very important for me to me to provide a “place” for my family.
Pictures! Take, frame & hang lots of pictures! We purchased a digital frame and my kids love to talk about each picture as it shows up.
what a great idea, Lynn! Again, it’s not so much the “place” but the children feeling that wherever they are, even for a short amount of time, that is their place! And I think, even if you move a lot, then wherever you are will be their “place”. Make sense?
So true. We are missionaries and have moved A LOT in the last 5 years, including over the seas a few times. Even when I knew we were going to be in one place for just a year I hung pictures and made it our home. I feel like our 7 kids have made all the adjustments very well. BUt I have had to be very intentional about it. Serves me well too. I spent all my time in our “place” so I want it to be home for me too!
Such a reminder and hope you move goes well.
Each move with the kids entail A LOT of memory building both ways. Before we leave and after we arrive. I applaud my preteens for braving the unknown but yet setting up home in new and often not so comfortable environments. It is intentional that I create a place for them to keep their hearts safe, it is hard work to keep the lines open for issues and struggles that follows but in the end, the kids run back ‘home’ just to be with you. Home is indeed where the heart is…16moves later.
you are inspiring Sarah. Creating home amidst all of those moves.
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