In the early days- here I am as a new mom
I’ve been hearing the word Desperate quite a lot this week. Its such a delicious adjective, I find I can’t stop using it in sentences: I’m desperate for chocolate, always. I’m desperate to hug my husband, who is 3,000 miles away today. I’m desperate to help my children back into their school routine after the holidays. What really haunts my mind the most though, is remembering my own season of utter desperation: the parched, dry season of my soul that changed everything.
I was an absolutely desperate and lonely new mom. I was depressed and felt dizzy and nervous most days…all day. I remember spending many, many nights curled up and weeping, unsure of how to best care for my new baby, gripped by fear that I was doing everything wrong, and so, so afraid to share openly with friends and family. I even struggled to share my fears and sadness with my husband, and over time, I didn’t want to talk to the Lord either. I just couldn’t form the words…and to be honest, I didn’t want to. It seemed easier to be silent. So I went months without really sharing my heart with anyone, and all the while doing everything I could to smile big for my baby girl, and be as close to perfection as I could muster on my own.
One day I opened the Psalms, a psalm of David, the king who bared his heart raw and open before God… and he surprised me! David was sharing a desperation all his own:
“How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I take counsel in my soul
and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long shall my enemy be exhalted over me?
Consider and answer me, O LORD my God;
light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death.” -Psalm 13:1-3
Whoa. The sleep of death? This wasn’t too far from how I felt, dangerously close as a matter of fact. I was holding it all in, but David was pouring it out, not just under his breath, but with all he had! With cries deep in his belly he begged for God to answer him and was honest about his complete isolation and depravity. But, David didn’t stop there. As words flowed from his mouth, they began to change:
“But I have trusted in your steadfast love:
my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
I will sing to the LORD,
because He has dealt bountifully with me.” -Psalm 13: 5-6
His entire outlook had shifted, from one of despair to one of faith and trust. David didn’t hold on to his struggle, he let it go, so God could take hold of it. As I held my fear so tightly, the Holy Spirit whispered to my heart that I could let it go, safely and securely before my God who loved me and delighted in me, even in my weakness. I can freely bare the darkest parts of my heart before the Lord. Laid at his feet is the only place my despair belongs. He exchanges my desperation for hope and for truth and for life.
Did you know that throughout the history of the church the psalms have been the songbook for the people of God? They give words shape and help us express our emotions and experiences before God, as we read them and as we sing them…as our own souls echo their cry. In the same way taking in a concert or a beautiful piece of music can refresh us, the Living God, breathing life into the Living Word, uses the psalms to restore and shape the emotions of his people and strengthen us in our faith. For those of us who are often at a loss for words in times of struggle or grief, they can train us in how to come before God and pour out our hearts to him. Isn’t God so good to offer refreshment and rest that is lasting and that changes the very fibers of our minds and thoughts?!
This year’s Mom Heart Conferences have taken on the theme called “I Take Hope: Moving from Desperate to Destiny.” It is one of the places that refreshes my soul every year by strengthening me, not by giving me a break, or luring me into deep relaxation and chocolate binging (although some of those things do happen, too!) This is a conference that will refresh your soul in ways that will last for generations, that will help strengthen and build you up in your high calling as a mother and bearer of light to the next generation. Just like the Psalms, the teaching and renewal experienced in these weekends changes me and make me want to love my husband more, love my children more, convey beauty and life to them, and extend myself in service and care for their needs in a way that blesses and enriches their everyday life. I have learned to long to train my children and teach them more fervently about the God of the Universe who created them for an important and unique work! I never feel guilty about my time away, because these conferences are a training ground for my own heart to be able to continue to be faithful to the ministry of my home.
We would love for one of you reading today to be able to come and join us in either Colorado, California, Dallas or Raleigh as our gift to you. If you win and you have already purchased your ticket, we will refund that amount to you. You can enter to win using Rafflecopter below.
Would you also share with us about what these conferences mean in your own life!? Would you let us know, and let other moms know about why you love Mom Heart? I am so honored to join together with you and hear your hearts.
Praying for you as you are strengthened before and BY our King,
Kristen
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I am new to Mom Heart via Twitter. This post was very encouraging, and I look forward to more posts as we, moms, travel the journey of motherhood with God’s Grace at hand.
Welcome Jennifer! I’m glad you have found us here!
I attended my first Mom Heart conference last January in Denver and have been blessed by it ever since! A friend and I immediately started a Mom Heart group in our community and have formed life-giving relationships with six other woman. I can’t tell you how many questions have been answered and resources have been offered through the gift of this group! I was hoping for a good group of us to attend the conference this year, however, not one is able to attend. Therefore, I am praying about whether or not I make the drive solo. This conference, this blog, and all of the resources offered are a tremendous gift to mothers in our generation. I am truly grateful!
Theresa where are you in Colorado?? I am coming to the conference from Canada but have many family “sisters” I am meeting up with! You could possibly drive with one of them… and if nothing else you could hang with our crazy group! So glad that you have found encouragement through Sally’s resources! COME!
Thank you thank you thank you!!! For your blog and your encouragement. I haven’t been to a women’s conference in a few years. I used to go every year to Women of Faith and then life got ‘busy’ with four children then the addition of our nephew who is three and we’ve been raising him since he was 15 months. I could use a Mom Heart conference and love the idea of a Mom Heart group. What a blessing you are to so many women.
I have never had the privilege of attending a Mom Heart conference, so I can’t say what it means to me. However, I could really use some time to grow as a mom. I’m struggling daily to be who I need to be. I would be thrilled to win!
I have been reading Sally’s books for years. I have never been to one of her conferences. I WANT to go to Raleigh. Either way I am so grateful for so many women who have gone before to help us younger moms. Their wisdom and encouragement to stay focused on eternal things is an anchor for me!
I have attended the Mom Heart conference for 11 years. It has provided the refreshment I have needed in the middle of the school year when it seems so hard to press on and train the precious children we’ve been blessed with. It has refocused my mind and my heart. The time in the sessions pouring over God’s Word, the time to talk (uninterrupted) about the task of mothering, and the laughter have blessed and renewed me each year. My kids are college and high school ages now, but I still cherish this time. It is so easy to lose focus, getting caught up in the things of this world.
I entered motherhood not having a clue what being a mom, much less a Godly mom, was or how to accomplish it. Since that time we have had 9 foster kids and adopted two babies that are 6 weeks apart in age. They are now turning 6 and we have been homeschooling for two years. Most of my children’s lives I have felt like I had no road map and we just travel in circles. I went to the book fair in Arlington last year and “discovered” Sally Clarkson. I stumbled into the first workshop by accident and went to the remaining workshops out of desperation! Since that time I have devoured every word I could find of Sally’s to read and work hard to implement as much of it as I can. It is all like a breath of fresh air and a key to hope for me.
I have been to a Mom Heart conference for three years. As a mom of eight and a pastor’s wife these weekends have been such a blessing in that have graciously welcomed me as a mom to be REAL and has helped me step out from under the accusing list of “shoulds”. I love that each mom, no matter where she is in life, is given a shower of grace and encouragement as well as being strengthened to walk in relationship with our awesome Lord. I love that these conferences honor who we are as wives and mommas and friends. We truly have the best job in the world!
I’ve never been able to attend one of the conferences, but this year I am bringing a friend to Raleigh. So looking forward to it. Can’t wait to encourage others and be encouraged by some wonderful women.
We moved to southern California last year and I’m so excited that there is a conference near me! I went the past two years in Dallas when we lived in Texas and both times it was such a blessing! I left encouraged, inspired, challenged and refreshed! I’ve already purchased my ticket for Irvine but I don’t know anyone else who is going, so I would love to win the ticket so I can bring a friend along to receive what I know will be totally amazing!
I too have never be able to attend any mom heart conferences, as this single mom can’t afford it..even at the ‘reduced rate’. I would love to experience the conference. I have been to Tea with Sally at her house though, and done book groups at church as well. I am always so encouraged by her blogs and facebook, and think I can get through this day..again.. Just wanted to tell you thank you. Thank you for being encouraging and telling me I can do this. Together with Jesus, I can raise, joyously, my 8, 5, & 3 yr old completely on my own.
This February will complete my first full year of being a stay at home mom. When our second child was born, my husband and I took the plunge into what we believe is the Biblical outline for a family. Having worked since I was 15, to say this year has been a transitional challenge is an understatement. I thought it was going to be so much easier, but I am quickly finding that I need to rely on God to help me through each day more so than ever before. It has been spiritually transforming, and I am learning what Paul means when he writes about wanting to “boast most in his weaknesses.” Mission of Motherhood has been a big encouragement to me through this journey and I refer back to it often, especially the section where Sally talks about how Jesus, the I AM, washes his disciples feet, when he is the one whose feet should have been washed. Having a servant heart… I have never been to a mom heart conference and I would love to be able to attend the one in Raleigh.
I have wanted to attend a conference for years, but have yet to be able to swing it. I have read all of Sally’s book. Each one has ministered to me in a different way. Mission of Motherhood ‘woke me up’ and was such an encouragement to me as a new Mom.
I have purchased my ticket to attend the conference in Raleigh. Having read, “The Ministry of Motherhood” and through keeping up with Sally’s blogs through the years, I deeply admire her grace-based approach to parenting. I am thankful to be in my third year with a type of mom heart group that study the Word together, pray for on another, and offer encouragement during the hard times of parenting preschoolers.
I’ve never been to a Mom conference but would love to! My second child was born a few weeks ago and I’m already feeling the need to be encouraged and refreshed.
I’m so excited for this giveaway!! I’ve never ever been to a Mom conference but would so love to go to one. I know it would be amazing! Lord’s will be done!
Blessings,
Adrienne
I love the Mission and Ministry of Motherhood books and cling to them for encouragement, wisdom and guidance as I mother my two girls. I would love to attend this conference with other faithful moms!
I have heard so many good things about this coference. It would be a delight to attend.
I would love to attend a Mom Heart conference but the closest one is two states away. I have found Sally’s books and websites a great encouragement in my walk as a Christian mother, especially since I do not have a mentor at this time. The books and website have helped give me a Biblical framework for my job as a mom, and I would so love to attend one of these conferences to continue to learn and hopefully bring the message back to others around me.
I have attended Sally’s conferences many times, but it has been several years unfortunately since I have been able to go. This year I am really excited about going because a dear friend is flying in from California to attend with me. She has never been to Sally’s conference and I can’t wait to introduce her to such an inspiring woman of faith. Both of us are looking forward to fellowship with each other, meeting and getting to know other moms, as well as being encouraged in one, if not the most, challenging jobs there is. Being a mom is God’s plan for each of us and when I attend Sally’s conferences I am reminded how special we are to Him and that in order to raise our children to glorify Jesus, our relationship with Him must be a priority. I always leave the conferences striving to grow closer to the Lord but also feel loved so much more by God and Sally with all her attention to “special” details. I love it and can’t wait!
I would be so thrilled if I could join one of these events. I am fairly new to mom heart ministries, but since last year been reading blog post and books by Sally Clarkson and Sarah Mae. I am the mom to three little ones, homeschooling kindergarten for the first time, motherhood in the trenches as they say, and I get often comments “I dont’ know how you do it” the truth is I don’t know either. It is God who allows me to do it and gives me the strength and faith to keep doing it! I love them so much and I am thankful for them and that I do get to do it, even if it is really hard and tough.
Titus 2: 3 Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good,
4 and so train the young women to love their husbands and children,
5 to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.
Thank you so much for the conference! People like me need this do much!!!!
Hahaha! I meant so much:).
I attended in Texas last year for the first time, and not a day goes by that I don’t think about what I learned there.
Love the posts and community here. So encouraging.
I came to my first conference last year and it is one of the best things I have ever done. I’m planning on going to Texas this year (driving solo while six months pregnant!) but it is difficult with our budget. It is so worth sacrificing to attend though as I am so encouraged through this ministry.
I would so love to come to a conference! Thanks Kristin for sharing your heart!
I would love to go to the conference this year! Thank you so much for this opportunity!