I’ve been hearing the word Desperate quite a lot this week. Its such a delicious adjective, I find I can’t stop using it in sentences: I’m desperate for chocolate, always. I’m desperate to hug my husband, who is 3,000 miles away today. I’m desperate to help my children back into their school routine after the holidays. What really haunts my mind the most though, is remembering my own season of utter desperation: the parched, dry season of my soul that changed everything.
I was an absolutely desperate and lonely new mom. I was depressed and felt dizzy and nervous most days…all day. I remember spending many, many nights curled up and weeping, unsure of how to best care for my new baby, gripped by fear that I was doing everything wrong, and so, so afraid to share openly with friends and family. I even struggled to share my fears and sadness with my husband, and over time, I didn’t want to talk to the Lord either. I just couldn’t form the words…and to be honest, I didn’t want to. It seemed easier to be silent. So I went months without really sharing my heart with anyone, and all the while doing everything I could to smile big for my baby girl, and be as close to perfection as I could muster on my own.
One day I opened the Psalms, a psalm of David, the king who bared his heart raw and open before God… and he surprised me! David was sharing a desperation all his own:
“How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I take counsel in my soul
and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long shall my enemy be exhalted over me?
Consider and answer me, O LORD my God;
light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death.” -Psalm 13:1-3
Whoa. The sleep of death? This wasn’t too far from how I felt, dangerously close as a matter of fact. I was holding it all in, but David was pouring it out, not just under his breath, but with all he had! With cries deep in his belly he begged for God to answer him and was honest about his complete isolation and depravity. But, David didn’t stop there. As words flowed from his mouth, they began to change:
“But I have trusted in your steadfast love:
my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
I will sing to the LORD,
because He has dealt bountifully with me.” -Psalm 13: 5-6
His entire outlook had shifted, from one of despair to one of faith and trust. David didn’t hold on to his struggle, he let it go, so God could take hold of it. As I held my fear so tightly, the Holy Spirit whispered to my heart that I could let it go, safely and securely before my God who loved me and delighted in me, even in my weakness. I can freely bare the darkest parts of my heart before the Lord. Laid at his feet is the only place my despair belongs. He exchanges my desperation for hope and for truth and for life.
Did you know that throughout the history of the church the psalms have been the songbook for the people of God? They give words shape and help us express our emotions and experiences before God, as we read them and as we sing them…as our own souls echo their cry. In the same way taking in a concert or a beautiful piece of music can refresh us, the Living God, breathing life into the Living Word, uses the psalms to restore and shape the emotions of his people and strengthen us in our faith. For those of us who are often at a loss for words in times of struggle or grief, they can train us in how to come before God and pour out our hearts to him. Isn’t God so good to offer refreshment and rest that is lasting and that changes the very fibers of our minds and thoughts?!
This year’s Mom Heart Conferences have taken on the theme called “I Take Hope: Moving from Desperate to Destiny.” It is one of the places that refreshes my soul every year by strengthening me, not by giving me a break, or luring me into deep relaxation and chocolate binging (although some of those things do happen, too!) This is a conference that will refresh your soul in ways that will last for generations, that will help strengthen and build you up in your high calling as a mother and bearer of light to the next generation. Just like the Psalms, the teaching and renewal experienced in these weekends changes me and make me want to love my husband more, love my children more, convey beauty and life to them, and extend myself in service and care for their needs in a way that blesses and enriches their everyday life. I have learned to long to train my children and teach them more fervently about the God of the Universe who created them for an important and unique work! I never feel guilty about my time away, because these conferences are a training ground for my own heart to be able to continue to be faithful to the ministry of my home.
We would love for one of you reading today to be able to come and join us in either Colorado, California, Dallas or Raleigh as our gift to you. If you win and you have already purchased your ticket, we will refund that amount to you. You can enter to win using Rafflecopter below.
Would you also share with us about what these conferences mean in your own life!? Would you let us know, and let other moms know about why you love Mom Heart? I am so honored to join together with you and hear your hearts.
Praying for you as you are strengthened before and BY our King,
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