It was fourth grade.  My golden blonde hair lay straight falling in my face.  I swept it back to focus on weaving the purple & pink construction paper for my Valentine heart envelope to receive the next days Valentines.  This was one of my most favorite days in school.  Possibly more than Christmas time.

My nine year old heart knew nothing of the 16 year old ‘Lonely Hearts Club’ self loathing the day in black clad mourning.  Rather, I embraced it with homemade cards, all things heart shaped and sickly pink, purple & red.  Seriously, could there be a better day for a girl?

When I turned 18, I would receive my first ‘romantic’ Valentine.  It happened to be from my boyfriend who would turn husband four years later.  Once we got married, we didn’t really do much on this once beloved day.  I found it to be nonsense, opting for discounted chocolates and no reservations needed for the following day celebrations.

However, when I had our first child in the dead of winter five years later, my heart warmed up to this whole Valentine’s thing.  She had just turned one month prior to Valentine’s Day in 2007.  I remember the grueling days as a stay at home mom for the first time.  My whole world had turned upside down, and I was in need of a Valentine’s Day.

“Ben, you know how we don’t really do much for Valentine’s day?,” I pondered.
“Yeah,” he replied.

“Well, this year, I’ve decided I’m above that and need it.  I’m at home all day and need to know you love me through a card or something else really special,” I told him.

He responded well.

It took having kids to take me back to my childhood innocence about this day.  I felt as though my anti-establishment self was saying, “I’m above that day and Hallmark telling me why I am loved.  I don’t need to buy into the commercialism.”

Well, I repent of those words friends.  Because, I’m not above it.  I’m not buying into the commercialism, but I’m reclaiming it.   Rather, I’m saying this:

I need a day to throw a party in the dead of winter.  I need red, pink & purple.  I need glitter and hearts and chocolate.  I need fancy.  I need candles lit, tablecloths laid and fondue pot with cake & fruit to dip.  I want to remind my very aesthetic self that life is STILL moving and STILL living underneath the frostbit leaves.   [Read more...]