The counter of my kitchen tells the story of my days- pots and pans, stiff noodles that didn’t make it into the disposal after lunch, jelly smeared in one place and peanut buter in a giant glob just waiting to end up on my pants as I’m running out the door. There have been a number of times when I have just wanted to give up cooking, to determine to only order take-out and serve it in sterile styrofoam boxes that can be swept straight into the trash when the children are through. Once when I visited Costco, I spent a full five minutes just gazing at paper cups and paper plates and feeling like a whole new world might just be available to me that would just make my life so.much.easier. 

If I’m honest, many days I just want ease. I know there are parts of my heart that would settle for a paper plate kind of life that doesn’t require too much of me. The problem with this of course is that this kind of living doesn’t give much either. Sometimes I’m just exhausted, but often, I find its hard to rise to the challenges before me in keeping my little nest of a home because my expectations are unreasonably high and I just don’t feel capable. My expectations weren’t shaped for the constant barrage of clutter and mess that would come with having children. My habits did not include doing dishes or laundry or tidying rooms and I learned how to cook on the fly with a lot of help from friends and the Rachel Ray show.  When I look back on the first years of my marriage, I realize my husband must have been cleaning the toilet, because I know I never touched it until our oldest was potty training. [Read more...]