I’m around women of various ages probably because I have two grown daughters (22 and 24) plus an eleven-year-old daughter. Approaching ffffiiiifty(50) has given me a unique perspective on mentoring. I am more often around younger women and sadly hear, “I desperately want someone to mentor me, but I don’t know of any older women who are willing.” On the flip side the “older” women I know have been made to feel like a “has been.” I too have had this experience but honestly, I believe in the last decade this is unique among younger churches predominantly comprised of college students and young families. Regardless, we must figure out how to bridge this gap but let’s start at the beginning.
Exactly how is mentoring defined? Below are a few definitions I found.
- A mutual relationship with an intentional agenda designed to convey specific content along with life wisdom from one individual to another.
- A person who aids another in achieving a goal.
Synonyms: Counselor, shepherd, tutor, teacher, adviser, instructor, trainer, guide.
Did you know the term mentor was derived from Homer’s “Odyssey?” Odysseus the Greek warrior went off to fight in the Trojan War leaving behind his son, Telemachus, in the care of a man named Mentor. Twenty years later Odysseus returned home to a son who had grown into a man and was trained by Mentor. Thus Mentor was adopted in English denoting a trusted guide and counselor, someone who imparts wisdom to and shares knowledge with a less experienced colleague.
I like to think of a mentor as one being a conduit for Jesus to flow through into the lives of others. This role could be as a friend, mother, homemaker, or one serving the community.
Mentoring relationships should have an understood and well-defined objective.
Susan Hunt, in “Spiritual Mothering,” defines the mentoring relationship this way, “When a woman possessing faith and spiritual maturity enters into a relationship with a younger woman in order to encourage and equip her to live for God’s glory.” Mentoring is a wonderful and spiritually enriching relationship. Most important of all, mentoring encourages women to live for the glory of God!
Whether old or young, single or married, God has a special role for you as a mentor to other women younger than you. Who has God placed in your path to mentor? I believe a large part of our mentoring ministry is with our own family. Mentoring does not begin when we get “older,” as older is comparative. However, the older we are the more life experiences we encounter and the probability of younger women we meet becomes greater.
As a mom, one of my many jobs was equipping and teaching my children how to mentor those younger than themselves knowing they too had something to impart.
1 Timothy 4:12 “don’t let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity.”
My daughters saw the value I placed on mentoring relationships plus experienced the many benefits themselves. I fondly recall a sweet young adult who had a heart for teens so she created a group for girls 12-16 and for over a year they met monthly. This mentoring relationship greatly shaped my daughter. While in high school my daughters mentored junior high girls as well as the young children they babysat for. I greatly encouraged them to be in a mentoring relationship with older women (girls in college and/or a mom they admired, etc…) Why?
1 Peter 5:5 “In the same way, younger people should be willing to be under older people. And all of you should be very humble with each other. “God is against the proud but he gives grace to the humble.”
There is no way I could possibly be everything to my daughters. Our children need others to speak into their lives, to love, encourage, pray, and do life with them. They are richer plus far better equipped because of their mentors. Today they continue to mentor and be mentored. Mentoring relationships must be cultivated throughout life and are applicable for the various seasons.
Look for people with these qualities when you are searching for a mentor. Embody them yourself when you are mentoring others.
M Motivates you to be more Christ like.
E Encourages and equips.
N Never gives up on you or lets you give up on yourself.
T Tells you the truth, even when it’s difficult.
O Open arms plus accepts you as you are.
R Really cares about you and your spiritual growth.
In closing, no one is perfect. If you are holding out for the “perfect” mentor, you will be severely disappointed and in for a long wait. Likewise, If you are waiting to be the “perfect” mentor before you reach out to younger women, you will never become perfect and miss out on some great opportunities. Do you admire someone? Initiate time together and hang around them. Ask questions. Seek to learn from people and you will come away with a wealth of wisdom. Perhaps you will be pleasantly surprised and realize that, instead of one person being there, you are soon surrounded with wonderful people that greatly enrich your life. Everyone’s story is different. Look for the treasures that God has placed uniquely in your life.
About Cherie Werner
Love this, Cherie! This helped crystallize my purpose as a mentor in a friend’s life –to encourage and equip her to live for the glory of God. Thanks for the encouragement to take the initiative with older women as well. Frankly, I can’t understand how women of your generation could be seen as anything but a rich blessing in the lives of younger ones. We have so much to learn from y’all! Thank you for pouring your life into others and encouraging us to do the same!
Jenn thank you so much for your words of encouragement. Indeed the greatest purpose we have is to encourage and equip others to live for the glory of God. As a mother it’s a joy to see my daughters living for Jesus and making His name known. As a friend/mentor it’s a joy to see those we invest in bringing glory to God.
Blessings,
Cherie
Such wisdom here Cherie! Thank you for sharing with us.
“the “older” women I know have been made to feel like a “has been.”
At 55 this is, sadly, very much my sense of things. I read recently that the current generation of young women is likely the most peer dependent in history. Affirmation and empathy from peers, especially in relation to child-rearing and home-making, rather than the wisdom of older women is what is sought. Of course this is a generalization, but churches have actively, if unwittingly, fed this trend, with aged-based Bible study groups, often through to about thirty years of age, and distinctly different services that are designed to separate youth from those who are older. I have been saddened to see the ‘greying’ of one kind of church service while the vibrancy of another is lauded, and wonder what this means in the context of ministering to one another, learning patience and forgiveness, and wisdom. Any of us who have children know the ways we are blessed by their youthful perspective, but we also know that part of God’s grace in their lives has been the godly wisdom of parents – we are meant for multi-generational community.
It’s hard to believe, reading this, that I am by nature, of cheerful disposition. This is easily the most negative thing I have ever added to a blog’s comments page. It comes not from a place of criticism, but of longing – these thoughts weigh heavily on my heart, as I contemplate the Scriptures exhortation for older women (of which I am clearly one) to teach the younger women.
Judy I know how you feel, hence my desire to bring light to a situation I personally have experienced. As I said, “I do believe this is unique among younger churches predominantly comprised of college students and young families.”
Currently I am leading two groups of women through the new “Desperate” book study. It took me being the initiator with both gals. As I sought God for wisdom I felt that I needed to be more proactive. I don’t think we should stop trying as there is such joy to be had through pouring into the lives of others. Sometimes we just need to look elsewhere
as there are many young women who desire the wisdom we have to offer.
Blessings,
Cherie
Wow! This post is really good. So much food for thought–so much wisdom! Thanks for encouraging all of us that we do not need to be perfect before we mentor. I love what Paul says to Timothy in I Timothy 4:15, that Timothy’s progress is to be evident to all. I love how the Word tells us that it is not our perfection, but our progress that matters. That is so freeing!
That is just one thought out of many that came to me from this post! Thank you!
Great insight and thanks for sharing. I appreciate your encouragement.
Bravo!! This is so dear to my heart and you stated it beautifully! I have grown daughters too and so many young moms that I carry in my heart. God expands our capacity through mothering for others outside of our clan. I’m thrilled that my daughters know where to turn for wisdom, it’s not always me and I’m good with that. I also cling to those I admire and gain perspective from who have been down the road ahead of me.
Well said! Thank you -
Thanks Debi I look forward to talking more to you about your thoughts on mentoring
next weekend.
I really admire older women who are intentional about pouring themselves into younger women. It is so rare in our culture these days. I thank you for the time and energy you have put into me, Cherie! xo
Awe, I so enjoy encouraging you and I thank you for your sweet words. Love & hugs
Loved this Cherie, we have talked before about how difficult it is to find an older mom to be a mentor. After waiting like you said – with no real results, it was through Sally’s encouraging words that I started our Mom Heart Group and it was with younger moms. Had I waited until the “Perfect” older mom, to be a mentor to me, I would have missed out on these sweet young moms that are so dear to me. They know I am not perfect and that is such a relief! I am so grateful for you and Sally, Deb and Lynn – just spending time with you guys and listening to you have made a huge difference in my perspective on many things.
Thank you Tami for your sweet words of encouragement. You have so much wisdom to offer women. Also you and I both have the bestest “older mentor,” Sally Clarkson, who fills us each year at the MomHeart conference
and through her wise written words.
PS When you find the “perfect” person out there I want to meet them