About Brenda Nuland

I write a lot about building a heritage for our children with books, beauty, and creativity… all to provide wonderful memories of hearth & home.  Such a quest is all good and true but living in a world such as ours, life is not all picnics and tea time.  Rarely does a child become an adult without a family experiencing trials and tribulations… and some more than others.

Recently I had lunch with my son and he was telling me about the pressures of work and of long nights finishing projects on his computer at home.  In between bites of a McDonald’s chicken wrap sandwich, he described both the challenges causing the extra work load and the satisfaction which comes with seeing one of his iPad app designs ready for “launch” after a year in the design phase.

He is no stranger to grueling nights of hard work after studying Computer Science at the University.  He didn’t quit although there were entire semesters when he felt like it.  Persistence helped my daughter get through her design degree and even more so as the mother of five young children.

Both have a “never give up” attitude that didn’t come from our picnics at the park or Saturday morning strolls on the Boardwalk in Saugatuck.   They learned how to handle the difficulties of life by actually living through such times as they were growing up in our household.

As children become adults, they receive advice from multiple sources but by far the biggest influence on how they relate to adversity comes from the way they saw their parents handle it.  Did Dad ask the family to pray for God’s provision?  When trials suddenly came out of nowhere, did Mom come unglued (so to speak) or did the children see her open her Bible and read the verses which brought her most comfort?

The older I become and I look back on this journey of life, the more I realize God never wasted a trial I went through.  They were not fun at the time; some were so difficult I felt I had to remind myself to breath.  Especially those specifically life altering situations in which even the near future was shrouded in the fog of the unknown.  Where will we live?  How will we put food on the table?  Will the illness be overcome?  What does tomorrow hold for us?

Many times the fog of the unknown lifted only enough to show the next step on our journey.  However, there were also those days when the answer to prayer arrived in such a way that our family knew only God could have engineered such a miracle… and we learned from the trial.  What did we learn? [Read more...]

Recent ponderings have centered around one of my favorite subjects… Story.

I have spent many hours both reading and writing so I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that words have surrounded my thinking just as passenger jets circle O’Hare International airport awaiting their turn to land.

The miracle of the gift of Story is our ability to take the twenty-six letters of the English alphabet, add a nearly infinite number of combinations… and a sprinkling of imagination… and we have… books.

I recently read about research which shows a correlation between the lack of reading good literature when young, along with the increased use of video games and technology… and the decrease of morality in the men of our culture. They called it a perpetual adolescence.

Now, I don’t believe one is less moral because they watch TV instead of reading or play video games when both are kept in moderation. There have been far too many Star Wars marathons and LAN parties (where Christopher and his friends linked up all their computers to play video games into the wee hours of the morning) in my home over the years to put the blame on technology alone.

But I get what they are saying as I remember the reaction brought by good books to both my children. From Stephanie’s love of the Anne books to her tears when an unexpected death occurred in Leon Uris’ Exodus sent her into mourning! [Read more...]

When I first thought of writing this post, the mental title was How to Stay Married For Over Thirty Years Without Murdering Your Husband. However, the better part of discretion prevailed and you have a serious title… but as you read, think of the original title and you will understand where I’m coming from.

When I met my future husband, I was in my senior year of high school and he had gone to college, dropped a class and been drafted, spent two tours of duty in Vietnam, returned to college, and now was starting graduate school.

The union of these two lives could only have been a plan written by God!  God seems to enjoy matching complete opposites, and every marriage starts with two flawed people in need of grace.

I had come through losing my father suddenly in my childhood, living with a mentally unstable stepfather, and experienced an increasing rift with my seven half-brothers and sisters as a result of my becoming a Christian (although I remained close to my mother).

My husband, on the outside seemed to come from a very stable home environment, but beneath the surface was a great deal of dysfunction. While not going into detail, his past resulted in great emotional wounding which continues to heal.

He had also already been diagnosed as manic depressive (which I believe is a much better name than bipolar disorder, as it is called today). His symptoms have been difficult to control since the basis of them is his severe environmental allergies which cause his brain to swell (resulting in a change of personality and at times the inability to think clearly).

So… God brought us together and healed all wounds and healed the bipolar disorder and we lived happily ever after. Ummmm… no.

To be completely honest… and I’m not telling tales out of school for my husband has talked of this… there were very, very difficult years. However, I have told people that my husband may be a project but he is “my project”.

What have I learned through the years that kept us together so long? Some of the lessons are… [Read more...]

Each December, I pray about a word for the new year.  I usually spend weeks pondering “my” word, thinking through what was going on in my life, asking God for His direction.  However, this year I knew what my word was to be for the first year quite early.  God had been dealing with my heart long before I roasted the Thanksgiving turkey.

My word for the coming year was to be… THANKFUL!

For you see, God has been teaching me that to truly embrace the life He has given and all the joys He has provided… one must have a thankful heart.

What has He been teaching me? [Read more...]

Christmas is my favorite time of the
year. I love everything, from the glitz and glitter of decorations
to quiet mornings spent praying by the light of the tree. It is
truly the season when “Heaven kisses the earth”.

Looking back on over thirty Christmases
as a mother, I have realized there are many gifts which mean more in
the long run than a favorite toy under the tree (and I was known to
keep Christmas in mind all year long, even searching the gift shops
at the beach for “just the right” stocking stuffer).

What gifts can I give
my children that will last all their lives?

The Gift of Sparkle

I am not a person who often uses
glitter, even in craft projects. My home is decorated in the muted
colors most often found in an autumn forest. However, once the
Thanksgiving turkey has been turned into soup, the Christmas
decorations are brought in from their eleven month slumber in the
garage, and the house begins to sparkle.

Each Rubbermaid container is opened
with awe and anticipation as the contents from Christmas past are
unpacked with smiles and tears, memories of small children now grown,
as well as departed friends and family.

The Charlie Brown tree is assembled
(for it is the only size which will fit into that corner) and strung
with lights, garlands of red wooden “cranberries, and ornaments
ranging from the paper “Happy Birthday Jesus” one of the children
made when small to vintage bulbs to rather expensive beauties
purchased on clearance after the Holidays long ago.

My snowman collection comes out and I
am always surprised at just how many have been accumulated over these
many years but each has a story and they all make me smile.
Porcelain houses and churches are bunched together and silk
poinsettias are set throughout the rooms… the season of sparkle has
begun.

I want my children to remember the
Bleak Midwinter (or late December as the case may be) as a place of
sparkle when they think of Mother’s home at Christmas.

The Gift of
Anticipation

We live in a society today of the
immediate, as we check our smart phones, Google a question, and
update our Facebook status.

However, one cannot rush Advent. It is
truly “set in stone” and thus it should always be for it is the
time of the year our children learn the true meaning of anticipation.

When my daughter was little, there was
a shop in town which sold cheese and gourmet goodies from around the
world. It also sold the sweetest German Advent calendars each
Christmas, the kind where one opens a tiny door each day of December
to find a chocolate candy awaiting… while counting down the days to
December 25th. How we enjoyed that Advent calendar each
year.

There is the obvious anticipation of
opening gifts and visiting relatives, too. However, it is the best
time of the year for Christian parents to remind children how others
anticipated the coming of the Messiah throughout the centuries.

I love the Story of Simeon and Anna
(Luke Chapter 2), who were waiting and watching in anticipation of
the birth of the Messiah… and were rewarded with actually seeing
the newborn King!

Moms, too, need to remember the
anticipation of the centuries. My current favorite Advent book is
Come, Thou Long-Expected Jesus, which is edited by Nancy
Guthrie. As I rise early in the morning and turn on the lights of
the Christmas tree, I read a chapter and remember the true meaning…
the Light that came into the world.

The Gift of Turning the
Heart towards Home

When my children remember previous
seasons of Christmas, I know they will recall friends and places and
events outside of our home. However, I hope their fondest memories
will be of times with their mom and dad and sibling.

Now, not every Christmas season was
perfect… not at all. For true life does not stop just because the
calendar turns to the month of December. There were seasons where
tears were mingled with the aromas of cookies baking and scented
candles burning on the mantle.

However, whether the years were full of
joy and abundance or we were in the midst of a desert experience… I
always tried to make Christmas both Christ-centered and home focused
(and when possible, a Christmas Eve service).

It doesn’t take a lot, you know, to
provide memories for your children. Don’t let the glitzy glamour
magazines tell you it only can occur with lots of buying of stuff,
either.

I have found what my children remember
most from Christmases at home were the people, sights (sparkle
doesn’t cost much), sounds (lots of Christmas music), and aromas
(do you know how much can be done with butter, sugar, eggs, and
flour?) coming from the kitchen.

It is your time they will remember,
even if they do covet the new version of the iPhone! Which brings me
to my last gift a mother can give…

The Gift of Managed
Expectations

Even during our very abundant years, I
did not want to focus Christmas around the giving of gifts. For I
remembered my early childhood years when my family literally rained
down gifts upon me and I came away on Christmas evening with the
attitude of “Is that ALL there is?”. For my friends, more is not
always best.

I wanted my children to remember not
the new toy but the experiences and memories the season of Advent
brings to our heart. Now don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed very much
shopping for just the perfect gift and I absolutely was giddy about
finding stocking stuffers throughout the year. But I did not want to
center Christmas around gifts received.

When our children learn to expect only
the best money can buy under the Christmas tree and all their
thoughts and desires are surrounding stuff… then future
Christmas days will be miserable when stuff may not be
available (and many families go through seasons of abundance and lack
it seems).

Each home has their own way of managing
gifts. I know one Mom whose kids received numerous expensive gifts
from grandparents and she asked if they could spread the giving out
throughout the year rather than so many at Christmas (for she was
wise to know they received great joy in the giving of gifts).

Even in abundant years, we limited our
gifts under the tree. There was always a stocking filled with an
orange or tangerine first and then lots of fun items (and sometimes
the “big” gift was actually in the stocking) and being a book-ish
family, always a new book to read!

In the years when times were tough
financially, or illness prevailed, or we lived in a new town and knew
no one… the house was still decorated and sparkled, the cookies
were baked, the music filled the rooms, Jesus was present, and there
was always some gift under the tree.

For the greatest gift I can give my
children is this… Christmas
does not have to be perfect to be good.