He took also of the seed of the land, and planted it in a fruitful field; he placed it by great waters, and set it as a willow tree.

Ezekiel 17:5

I adore family.  I love the word, the model, the concept, and the people that make up the unit known as family in my life.  There are all sorts of feelings conjured from just saying the word: haven, safety, acceptance, love, friendship, trust, and respect.

My husband and our two birth children.

Outside of the redemptive grace of Jesus, I believe God’s greatest gift to me was the family He placed me in as a baby and to which He added when I married and had children of my own.  God has allowed us to love a host of children and young people through the years, many who become part of the fabric of our family quilt.

Our “heart’ daughter, Mechell

Family is an inner circle of people from whom we cannot hide our true selves.  They see us for who we really are; faults, failures, successes, pains, achievements, all things good and bad.

Our daughter and our Nanny, Michelle

That model of an inner circle is duplicated in society.  A president has a cabinet, a king has a court, a CEO has senior staff members, a school principal has teachers, and a sports manager has coaching staff.  On and on it goes.

Jesus too had an inner circle.  When He chose His disciples, He hand selected only twelve.  The Bible says that when Jesus was teaching and preaching and performing miracles, that the twelve disciples were there, and those that followed the disciples, and then the multitudes.  But when Jesus retreated, in most cases He took only the disciples with Him.  He had an inner circle of men He trusted and into whom He poured Himself. [Read more...]

When I was in charge of the dream, back before it was a reality, life was perfect.

I was minding my own business, living out my agenda and then…

God’s decision slammed into my day altering my reality and my feelings were very hurt.

I love Him, I trust His sovereignty but there are weak, fleeting moments when I am not sure I like Him.

He makes choices without consulting me. He does not even ask my opinion much less, it seems, take it into consideration. He hurts my feelings on a regular basis and I tell Him when He does. I sure take Him up on His words in 1 Peter 5:7 when He said, “Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.” I just happen to believe that “all your care” includes hurt feelings and disappointments.

David, who was a man after God’s own heart, tells us in Psalms 42:3-4, “My tears have been my meat day and night, while they continually say unto me, Where is thy God? When I remember these things, I pour out my soul in me.” David certainly told God when he was disappointed, in despair, discouraged and despondent.

I pour out my heart to God often. Oh, I have my times of praise and worship. I have scheduled sessions of thanksgiving and ways of expressing gratitude. But sometimes when I am just downright annoyed with Him, well, I tell Him that as well.

All of us love transparency. I would rather know how someone feels than to wonder. I would rather you tell me you do not like chocolate cake, than for you to pretend and endure eating it in my presence. I would definitely not understand if you do not like coffee and a spot of hot Yorkshire Gold tea with cream and sugar, but it would be helpful to know that information if you were coming to my house for a visit! (giggle).

Why is it okay for us to express our likes, dislikes, and preferences with each other but not with God? We humans are so funny. Surely God must chuckle at our irrational reasoning. He is omnipotent. He knows what we think and feel before it forms in our mind and heart, so why would He be surprised or offended if we expressed what He already knows is there?

Telling God we do not like His decision is not some unpardonable sin. It is a frail, human being communicating a hurt to the Creator who instilled those feelings into that creature. There is such freedom in being honest with God. Like that emotionally exhausted but cleansed feeling we experience after a good cry. No one enjoys the process of crying and many times we put it off because it takes time and hurts and is painful. Yet giving in and releasing the tears that shed the hurt feelings in the process is so good for the soul. Much like a belly laugh releases emotions and reduces stress, so does a good cry over hurt feelings.

If you have mothered very long at all, you understand what I mean when I say, there are moments when you dislike your child. Oh, you would die for them and kill for them but sometimes you do not understand them or want to be with them.

And we have all spouted off the list of reasons our children should be grateful to have our wonderful self as their mother. “After all I have done for you, I went to the jaws of death to bring you into this world, I gave up my career to take care of your ungrateful self, I cook and clean and a little appreciation would be appreciated.”

That is how I feel about God some days. Yes, I know He died on a cross to make a way for me to spend eternity in a perfect environment. I understand He keeps the sun just far enough away to not burn me to ashes. I get that He holds the waves at bay so we will not be swallowed up. But that does not mean I have to like what He did to me today!

And all the Pharisees just sucked in a breath and shock waves reverberated around the internet.

Of course I am being facetious and using a bit of humor to get my point across, but seriously, our feelings are very real to us and sometimes whether we dare to give voice to them, they can cause us to question or even momentarily be annoyed with a decision God makes on our behalf.

Perhaps you have a marriage that is far different than the one you envisioned when you stood before that floor length mirror and saw a reflection of a bridal gown and veil that radiated beauty in a way that can never be duplicated. Maybe the precious, tiny souls you longed for arrived in packages that you were not prepared to mother. The daily mundane tasks of living out this live you find yourself in do not even resemble the picture you painted in your mind when you were in charge of the dream, back before it was a reality.
The loss and the pain and the trials and the illness and the disappointments all merge to meet your question of “Why?”

Why give to just take away? Why would God do that? Why would He build up my hopes, give me a gift that fills my life with joy, bless me in ways I would not have imagined, then take it away and watch me crumble and curl up into a ball of despair and pain?

Why would He do that to me?

One simple three letter word turns my hurt feelings around. When I understand and accept that God does things for me instead of to me, then the light bulb, aha, I-get-it moment happens and my faith comes sweeping back in again.

Faith rushes in to rescue God from the judgment of my hurt feelings.

When my eyes leave my own selfishness and focus on the fact that God is working on my behalf, I understand that His ways are higher than my ways and that His view of my life is seen through a perfect lens. Not like the lens clouded by human weakness, sin, and my own selfishness.

Feelings are finicky and cannot be trusted. We cannot allow what we feel to replace what we know as truth.

We know God’s love is stronger, farther reaching than our ability to comprehend. We believe that He has a script and writes it on our hearts.

We trust that His plan will be played out on the screen and stage of our life in ways that will amaze those who observe. We claim that His face will shine upon us and that His grace will illuminate our strengths and shadow our frailties.

When my faith makes way for truth and my feelings have been renewed and restored, then perspective returns. Only then do I realize that His reality is far better than my dream.

Then once again, not only do I trust Him and love Him…I like Him and our friendship is restored.

Photo Credit

God goes before and makes plain the path each of us will follow.  Some will appear straighter and less rugged than others but each path is uniquely designed for the traveler.

Blessings,

Renee

Photo Credit: Michelle Delgado