About Amanda Walters

As a bright eyed, somewhat naive college gal, I was rooted in rich soil living in the Ford household.  Each morning Dr. and Mrs. Ford’s youngest daughter, Hannah, would ring a bell to signal that it was time for breakfast.  We would come to a table that was simple in beauty and food.  Yet, these meal times with Mrs. Ford and her three girls were a rich feast for my hungry soul.

Towards the end of breakfast, Mrs. Ford would share morsels of what she was gleaning from Scripture or a treasured author and invite us to ponder with her.  It was here that I was first introduced to Sally and Clay Clarkson’s writings.  I was challenged to think during these meal times and my heart was awakened unto the day with a sense of hope as well as purpose from being connected to this family.

Therefore, I shouldn’t have been suprised when I eagerly shared with Mrs. Ford all I was learning about our bodies’ digestion process on into the morning and posed the idea of merely drinking a barley green drink for breakfast, only to be quickly shut down.  Mrs. Ford quietly informed me that the breakfast meal was of primary importance in her home.  Not only for the nourishing food, but it was an ‘anchor,’ or a BIG rock in the day which she used to disciple her girls.

Today, 18 years later, guess what anchor I have attached a devotion to?  You got it…BREAKFAST!  And while my children eat, I speak out a Psalm, a verse to ponder or a devotional reading.  No, it is not always the peaceful low-key breakfast I enjoyed at the Fords’ because my children are younger.  Juice is spilt, kids speak too harsh, little ones wiggle or hop from lap to chair, someone needs more of something and I stop many times.  And some days we are rushing and crabby and I’m just trying to hold on to the reigns and breathing and praying through it all and we skip our devotions.  But most days, it is a big rock in the rhythm of our days.  Something I pray my children- who are blossoming way too quickly into adults- will STAND as they seek to navigate their own lives and the lives of their children.

Because today she’s 6 and as precious as can be and all about her Mama and learning to write and bake bread and do art for friends and welcome Daddy home.  Today she is safe in our care and provision.  But the world she is walking into is a bit shaky and quick to come at her with challenges.  And I want her to be a awoman who STANDS on the rock of God’s Word, of His promises to her as his daughter, who knows the stories of old and lives from a place of knowing who God is and how deeply he loves her.  I want to cultivate faith in my children and embrace the unique opportunity of these days to grow that faith.

What are the BIG rocks for you in your household?  The main things of the main things you want your children to remember, to walk in, to live out of?  Think 10 years down the road, setting off for their big adventure, be it college or marriage.  What is paramount for you that they know and have in their hearts so they can BURST forth and live out of the fullness of who God created them to be.

I invite you to think about an anchor in your day that you could attach or re-attach this big rock to…be it breakfast, lunch, bedtime, afternoon nap routine or Saturday tea time.  Whatever it may be, I encourage you to own your life by growing into the reality that like it or not, YOU are the Mama! (some days I wish I could be the kid again, don’t you?!?)  But we are not the kids, we are the MAMAS of the world and have such a sweet , blessed calling to rise up and nurture our kids faith, whether we come from a strong faith background or not!  We can do this!  God in us can and will lead us!

God has sent each of us Moms out into the harvest of our own homes.  May we learn to disciple our own kids and slow down on looking elsewhere for a ministry.  Just as Jesus spent lots of time with his 12 disciples may we also order our days and lives to be present to our children and give them the gift of time with us and let them grow up strong in the garden of our loving care.

For those interested, here is a list of some of our family’s favorite devotional books.  The New Testament stories of Jesus are a great place to start with children also.

Our 24 Family Ways by Sally & Clay Clarkson

My Big Book of 5 Minute Devotions by Pamela Kennedy

Leading Little Ones to God by Marian M. Schoolland

Long Story Short by Marty Machowski

When little people come into our world through birth, adoption or foster care, we are flooded with emotion and sheer wonder of a new soul entrusted to us. It is a high privledge indeed to steward a life, to be the one they call, “Mom.”

As the Mom in their world we get to be the one to make lots of decisions about how to raise them: schedules, schooling, holiday celebrations and more. One decision that often ebbs and flows between being a delight and the bane of my heel is what to feed my kids each day. Can anyone relate?

For some reason,it never quite registered  that when I had kids, I would be the main one choosing what food comes into our home and just what I would feed these precious kid-o’s for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Recently, I became a Certified Dr. Sears Health Coach and I’m having so much fun teaching my first class to a bunch of Mamas! As a Dad of 8 who has written over 30 books, Dr. Sears is a treasure trove of insight into this area. The one concept that has set me so free to enjoy loving my kids through food is traffic light eating.

Green Light Food- GO food….Grow food. Whole food.

Yellow Light Food- SLOW down food. Sometimes food.

Red Light Rood- STOP and think food. Is there a better choice I could make?

Or how often am I okay with us eating Red light food like the yummy ice cream treat above.

As Mamas there is one ingredient that is vital when dealing with food and that is our attitude. We can make or break meal times can’t we, Mamas?!? Recently, after all the work of prepping a meal, setting the table and trying to keep my kids involved, by the time we sat down to eat I was a pent up ball of stress. After lighting the candles and praying I excused myself to go lie on my bed and scream into the pillow.

This was a victory for me because typically I stay at the table and I am just…well, you know…quiet. Not mean, not overly joyful or interactive, just…quiet. So it was great to take responsibility for myself by taking a 5 minute break from the table to get out some of my frustration and return to meal time with a happy heart.

So today, enjoy looking for ways to get green light foods into your precious ones. Healthier foods allow information to be processed correctly in kids brains, which helps kids function at their optimal level.

And just in case you’re wondering what I served up for dinner last night…here it is…salad & quesadias with veggie cheese, sour cream & salsa.  And yes, it was a paper plates Friday!

True confession: I am a horrid sock matcher. Horrid. Give me a dirty bathroom or window to clean any day over weeding through sock heaven.

Feel better? Know your not alone in abhorring some aspect of keeping up with domestic responsibilities with children.

Typically, I tend to the big basket of unmatched socks when my 3 year old runs out of socks that are fairly similar or my husband runs out of dress socks for work. But lately, my climb through life has been so uphill that I’ve. Just. Let. Go. Of. Sock world.

Do you ever feel like your holding so much together…your ‘do not forget list’…grocery list…reading and tucking in each child…the demands of other teachers and coaches…laundry…homework…dentist appointments…not to mention the 10 things you simply didn’t get to yesterday? So much so that you just have to choose which ball gets dropped?

Well, I knew this was happening but it was a minor ball dropping, so I thought, compared to the other 50 balls I am keeping in the air until one morning last week my husband came into the kitchen to find me stirring grits with a super confused look on his face. “Are YOU wearing MY dress socks?”

Gulp. White faced, suddenly standing naked before him, I found myself embarrassed. “Yes, I am. I couldn’t find any others and didn’t want to wear wool hiking socks,” I said staring down at the grits in hopes to send him back to the room to get ready for work.

“Well, babe I’d appreciate it if you didn’t do that again. I’ve been going downstairs to match socks the night before and it’s really frustrating to be going down there again this morning.”

Caught. Red. Handed. How dumb I felt wearing his stripped black dress socks with the band that grips your calf so they won’t fall down. How I wished I could put my hands on my cute socks that I like. I don’t want to wear mens socks for heaven’s sakes! But, I don’t have time to do it all perfectly and well!!! AHHHH!

Now, it may not be socks, but you know there is some struggle or weakness that has you feeling humbled or inadequate. We all do. What is yours…a strong willed child, a hitter, an inability to get everyone out of the house without yelling. What area are you feeling like You. Just. Can’t. Measure. Up. Anymore.

The mask is falling off and it hurts but it is a good thing my friend. [Read more...]

She holds my hand

All four pudgy fingers still wrap around my one

Darkness envelops us

Feety PJ’s soft to my waking up self

 She sucks her thumb

Content next to my warmth

She breathes deeply

Exhales

Knowing she is loved

Welcomed here in our bed

She receives my affection, my blessing softly spoken

Into her hair at my chin

Receiving as children do

What is laid before them

Hands cupped to receive the blessing

This youngest of four, baby woman child

Fierce with compassion, with boldness & beauty

Pouring forth her blue eyes, blonde hair

So lovable, yet hard to love right now

Needy, unpredictable at times, strong willed

She keeps me humble & exposes me

These fingers hold tight

Gripping though it is time to get up

Rubbing my one finger as if to say “Thanks Mom”

Thanks for loving me.

Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God.  Anyone who loves is born of God and knows God.  But anyone who does not love does not know God- for God is love.  God showed how much he loved us by sending his only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him.  This is real love.  It is not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.  Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other.  No one has ever seen God.  But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love has been brought to full expression through us.

1 John 4 7-12

Today, fellow Mamas, may we give the gift of love to those in our care.  May Father put to rest the allusion of bringing lasting happiness through the perfect gift.  May we cease striving today and give the gift of love from a pure heart.  Our enemy is on the prowl to steal. Resist him.  Choose love.  Exhale, “Thank you, Jesus for this child or these children I get to love this Christmas.”

Thank you Father for showing us how passionately you love us by putting in motion the most amazing rescue mission ever through moving into our neighborhood through a baby born in a stinky barn.  You amaze me.  You are way too good!

Won’t you join me in worshiping Him through inviting Him to love others through you today?

Unfortunately, on a steamy July
afternoon this past summer my hubby came to inform me that our bees
had swarmed…again. My countenance fell and ugly accusations came
rushing in, “You can’t do this” “Why did you even say YES to
Josh’s desire for bees,” “See, you’ve failed again.”

Honeybees are fascinating creatures.
Did you know they do a little dance for their friends in the hive and
based on their movements their fellow friends know just where to fly,
miles away to find food?

They also lay eggs and multiply
quickly. When this happens they need their caretakers (us) to give
them another level to their home. This is called a “super.” If
this is not done (which we had neglected to do) then the bees get
overcrowded and raise up a new queen and FLEE the hive- “let’s
get outa here fellas and go find a new home!” If the swarm is out
of reach, then you’ve just lost a lot of honey.

Thankfully this swarm of thousands of
bees in the shape of a football clumped together on my husband’s
portable disc golf basket. I knew if we didn’t act soon we would
lose the hive & they would fly off to find a better home.

Lord, help me to care well for the
little ones in my home. I know they too will fly off way too soon.
Forgive me for being so consumed about cleaning out and organizing that
I sometimes lose perspective on what truly matters.

Although I enjoyed the months of
studying the life cycle of the bee with my son and visiting honeybee
farms and even painting our hive and gathering supplies, I can’t
say that working with them has been easy or even fun at times. And
after a horrible whole body swell and scary reaction my husband is
now off the hook from working with the little critters. This thrust
me into the beekeeper role of feeding with sugar water, checking to
make sure they are not overcrowded and the whole process of
harvesting honey.

Once I am out there among the bees with
my son the wonder of it all is glorious. Josh and I laugh and talk
about how crazy it feels sometimes that we are really doing this! It
is an opportunity for him to lead and make decisions on what he
thinks is best. We are learning together. We sweat. We problem
solve. We pray out loud, with our eyes open as we work.

I seek to make a beautiful, hands on
life for my family but why do I just keep feeling so overwhelmed by
the responsibilities of it all? Do you ever feel this way? Or when
was the last time you were totally aware of how behind you were on
everything?

Josh was quick to put on his bee suit
and light the fire for the smoker. Although I appeared to be excited
by the adventure of capturing the swarm and returning it to the
hive inside, I was irritated at the time lost from my overdue
cleaning project and beating myself up for not putting the darn
supper on sooner. The transition to get boys to be self-starters and
hard workers at ten years old is tricky.

The July heat smothered us like wool
blankets as we walked outside in our suits, white sheet in hand with
the smoker to blow to keep the bees calm. We placed a white sheet on
the grass near the swarm with a new home (hive body) at the end of
the sheet. Heart pounding, sweat dripping down my head, I picked up
the whole contraption with the football sized swarm a foot from my
face and shook it so that the bees would fall off and onto the
white sheet. AHHHHH!

“Holy freaking cow, what have I
done?” “This is crazy, Amanda, you’re not a real bee
keeper” “Give it up & lay down these wild farming notions
& desires to do cool things with your kids, its all TOOO
much.” These words zooming like a night train through my mind
before I even had a chance to tame them.

Josh could tell I was freaking out a
bit and he sought to console me. “It’s okay, we can do this Mom.
Remember what you always tell me…Your totally protected by your
suit, there is no way they can get to your skin. Remember Mom?”

I stood there dazed by the large clump
of bees on the sheet that had 2 long feet to walk to get to their
home and the other two thousand bees that were flying around in the
air. “Mom, they need us to take care of them so they can do
what they were born to do and thrive.” Tears burst from
deep in my soul. My little man cub was speaking truth to me,
speaking from deep within something I’ve spoken to him millions of
times.

Children also, like bees, need Mama
Bears to raise them up, work with them, spend time and energy on
them, pray for and with them, cultivate loving, thankful hearts and
manners into their lives so that they can thrive in this world and be
light- bearers reflecting God to the world.

His words brought an axe to the
condescending voices in my head and I went to work tapping on the
hive body so the bees would feel the vibration and walk towards it
(that’s what Crawford, our bee keeping expert neighbor, told me to
do minutes before on the phone).

I whispered thanks. “Thank you
Jesus for my son’s words, thank you for your love, for your
incredible design of the honeybee. Thank you, Father that even
though I often feel like a failure, I am not a failure in Christ.”

I then spoke calmly to Josh that we
could do this, and directed him to keep smoking the bees flying at
head level. Minutes passed and we worked in silence not knowing if
the bees were actually going to make it into the hive. Then, slowly
a wide line formed and the bees all turned their heads toward me and
started walking. I sat behind the hive body tapping the back of it.
A long holy pause. Wondering if the little creatures were going to
trust us and come into the new home or just flee off to a branch.
Amazingly within 30 minutes they were all safe in their home. Every.
Single. Last. One.

My husband and other children were
standing on the deck cheering for us. It felt like we had just
conquered Mt. Rushmore or finished a marathon! Joy, relief and thankfulness swelled and I hugged my son large and long.

As I sat alone in the grass, my four
delightful children playing throughout our yard, I wept inside.
Those “I can’t” words I heard when my husband first told me
about the swarm were true. In my own strength, I cannot
feed, cloth, organize, give zerberts, love, be a silly mama, organize
play dates, teach, train, watch over habits, bless the neighbors,
nurture a few friendships, be involved at church, keep clean,
matching socks in everyone’s drawers, grow food, take and pick up
kids from music lessons, keep a clean garage, make sure our animals
are fed and watered. It truly is too much.

What we Mamas do each day is amazing.
We hold tremendous amounts in our heads and hearts. Our jobs are
big. But our God is bigger. And this is what he reminded me of on
this swarm catching day.

In my own strength I can’t. And I
need to stop asking for help even. I need to ask Jesus to
live his life through me and trust, by faith, that he truly
can and will. Moment by moment. It’s like I have Michael Jordan
in me during a basketball game but I keep trying to show him that I
can do it. How silly! I can’t do it. If only I would surrender
and allow him to play basketball through me, I think I would
experience more victory. Don’t you think?

“For I through
the law died to the law that I might live to God. I have been
crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives
in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in
the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.” Galatians
2:19-20

I don’t know about you, what set of
circumstances you’re in, where you feel way over your head, but I do
know that we all have access to one Great God who loves us and poured
out his life for us. He didn’t leave us here alone to figure it
all out, remember? He sent us a Helper, the Holy Spirit. We have
access so let’s invite him to live his life through us today.
Wanna join me in the asking?

I woke to a horrid groggy hang over yet without the alcohol the night
before.  I groped in the dark to sit down and be catapulted into reality.
The sight of blood was a harsh reminder of the trauma of the day before.  “What?  Where am I?  Oh,
no…oh, no. NOOOOO!!!!” I panted under my breath and then slowly outloud, “James!”  “James, help, where’s my baby?  What happened ?  Oh gosh, it’s not a dream.  He died didn’t he? “

 My husband came
to me as I began to shake with grief. 
Realizing I was in this dry, stale hospital room, I regained composure
and asked my husband to help us pack up and get out of there as quickly as
possible.  I was on the verge of a
barbaric yawp and uncontrolled weeping and needed the safety of my own home to
fall apart.

Darkness descended on my soul and I was undone.  William was 5 months old in utero when
he died.  His big 2 year old
brother never got to meet him.  No
medical reasons were found.  He had
my pug nose and my husband’s long fingers.  His body was tiny but all intact.  Delivery was brutal. 
We chose to have him cremated and said yes to my parents’ idea of
burying him in my Mom’s beautiful butterfly garden.  Their stability would create a space I could visit to grieve
and heal with time. 

Beauty and pain have a way of piercing the human heart like
nothing else.

William died the day after I finished my last exam to
complete my BA in English.  I was
still contemplating a job outside the home.  I was aware of how the stress of finishing college with a
husband, toddler and home to care for affected my unborn baby.  Not to mention I had been diagnosed
with a chronic disease 4 years before.

That was 8 years ago. 

As I look back, I see how William’s death forced my life into one of
intentionality.  Of choosing wisely
what and who to say “yes” to. 
Even more so what and who to say “no” to.  I said no to a job outside my home and yes to a one income, Grocery
Outlet shopping lifestyle and living in a rental with orange shaggy carpet so
that I could allow my heart to fully do one job well- mothering. 

Sweet William taught me at 25 that life
is short and that really it’s all just gifts I’m living with. 

I am a steward of the children He gives.
Williams life was snuffed out before I got to play peek a boo with him, read
him stories, rub his bald head and kiss his baby cheeks.  His death set me free to say early on
in my life, “I can’t do it all- be the superwoman of the 21st
century.”  And even more so, it
allowed me to say yes to God’s whispers upon my heart to ‘love well, to love
loudly” with these gifts of children and this husband he has entrusted me with
this side of heaven. 

This is Jed.

He was born just one year after William.  Jed’s baby picture is beside William’s
hand & feet prints in my hallway with ——–on it, “He will not return to
me, but I will go to him.”  2 Samuel 12:23.  Bonding
was slow with Jed, as his birth did not bring William back, and forced me to
say goodbye even more deeply to my child I won’t get to love on this earth.

 I did have a
dream- a gift from God- that helped me further release William and thus embrace
Jed for who he was.  In my dream, I
saw William as a toddler with curly hair running and climbing onto the lap of
a lady and being rocked and sung to quietly. The sound of her angelic voice let me know it was a  woman I admired from
years before who wasn’t able to conceive children at the time.  I woke peaceful, satisfied that God did
have a purpose for William’s life in heaven as well as for me here on earth.  I didn’t understand totally but the
image of William being tenderly loved brought comfort and I was ready to keep
on living

This is the first time I have written about this chapter in
the story of my life. 

It still
aches when I get close to it. 

Yet,
yet….William’s life shapes mine today in huge, clear ways.  I would rather have his little self to
love in our family in a heartbeat… but Wow, how differently I have lived the
past 8 years and thus sucked the marrow out of life!  I share in hopes to move your heart toward embracing the
things that matter to you this side of heaven.

Today, I do work from home and own my own business that
the kids are involved in, I get to love, teach, and train 4 healthy kids, and
respect and support one awesome husband. I put my hands to numerous tasks, but
my favorites are choosing good books to fill our home with, caring for animals and slowly learning to grow our food; writing, speaking, daring others to
live fully out of all God made them to be and all things spur of the moment and accompanied by vanilla chais.

I say “YES!”….

-to licking the bowl clean

-to sitting in my lap

-to the people in front of me instead of always on the phone/computer

-to tickle tortures

-to the work in front of me of feeding bellies with yummy
food to help brains & bodies grow

-to beekeeping with my oldest son even though it scares me
sometimes

-to daily moving a chicken coop so my Jed can feed and love chickens

-to letting my Abby help make bread even tho it would be faster
if I did it all by myself

-to a dirtier house than I’d like sometimes because people
make messes

-to Father’s whispers to slow down, to take naps, to go for
walks and remember that I am not a robot but a human who has desires and needs.

-to setting rhythms and routines in our home that bring
life, beauty, order to our days

What do you say “Yes” to?

What do you want to say “YES” to more and are you willing to
say “No” to other things or people in order to do that?

Blessings on your journey, fellow traveler, as you make
choices in the chapters of your story that will impact the life stories of
those around you.